I’m going to go with J. Crew.

The reason — ever since it was “catalog day” during high school (fellow
boarding school students know this day well), I’ve dreamed of just
going crazy and buying whatever I wanted from the Spring/Fall
collection. And I usually indulge at other stores, but never at J. Crew.

So I’d take the $5k and just go wild and really buy everything I
dogeared in the catalog.

With any luck, I’ll be a mom one day (in the distant
future). I’m not a natural “kids person” (I’m afraid I’ll hurt them, and
I have a fear they won’t like me). As a mom, any advice or words of
experience? I’m worried I won’t know how to be a great mom.

I really have no idea how to be a “great mom” either from any
book/experience/etc. I think the best attribute you can practice
pre-mommyhood is patience. As a mom, there are many times when life
moves according to babies and not to your schedule, and if you can relax
and be ok with it then I think it’s really easy to be a good mom from
that point on.

I’ve never been a super coo-ing baby lover like many people I know, so I
was worried as well. But honestly, when you pick your baby up and they
stop crying or they fall asleep on your chest, you suddenly realize that
your fears were silly and that you just might be able to pull this
whole thing off.

People keep telling me I’ve become super “zen” about pregnancy and
mommyhood (maybe I’m just walking around half asleep?), but I think that
being relaxed and patient just really helps you do everything you need
to be a great mom!

The hubs and I are seriously considering joining the
baby bandwagon in the near future. Any advice on how to prepare? I’m
more concerned with the emotional/physical and less the economical.

Best advice for a couple: practice honest and open communication
prior to getting pregnant and discuss your expectations of change in
your life when a baby comes. Your biggest enemy is facing the unknown in
the moment and dealing with it – so the more you discuss, the easier it
is to grapple with it when it comes along. For example… lack of sleep
(who can handle it better or at all), chores around the house not
getting done, not being able to travel, relatives/friends visiting and
what you expect, date nights, childcare philosophies, etc.

Physically (for gals), I don’t think you can prepare. Everyone’s body
takes a different road during pregnancy and rarely can you prepare for
the emotional and physical changes. Just know that there will be some
things you can’t control both before and after… and that you just have
to deal with them if you want a little bundle of joy. I had a hard time
dealing with the weight gain (still have a hard time dealing with it),
but I know it’s not permanent and I can change it now. I do recommend
getting lots of exercise in before the pregnancy though… it’ll help
you stay active throughout and let you get back into it easier on the
other end.

What would you do if Lena told you she wanted to go
to USC?

I’d tell her that her Grandma M would be so happy to hear that…
but that I love her too much to pay for her to go there.

I think I’ll let her truly choose her own way into higher education and
find what fits her needs the best, no matter where that is. And who
knows what higher ed will look like when she turns 18?!?

Just think of “The Blind Side” and realize that my fandom is just like
Leigh Anne Tuohy’s Ole Miss love when it comes to Tennessee.

I just got married May first and was addicted to
Weddingbee. Which bee are you?

Mrs. Lemon Old school fruit!

My wife and I were wondering where did you get your
crib bedding at and mobile.
Thanks!

The crib bedding is Cocalo Couture’s Bali line. I’m not sure the
brand of the mobile above the crib… but the bird mobile is made by
Boon (http://www.booninc.com/products/Peep).

What has surprised you most about motherhood so far?

How natural certain things are to do. I was always scared of
holding babies growing up, so it amazes me how easy it is for me to just
scoop her up and go now. Things just become second nature and make
parenting much less scary than I thought it would be!

What are some stereotypes about new moms that you’ll
try to avoid falling into/being?

My top two were:

1) Talking about my baby and only my baby all the time

2) Being afraid to leave the baby in someone else’s care.

I think I’ve done a pretty decent job so far with both!

Favorite restaurant in Sacramento?

Ella (elladiningroomandbar.com)

Adore the style, the menu and oh my goodness the drinks! Think they
allow strollers in the bar area?

What is your favorite TV character and why?

I can’t pick just one… I really really can’t!

1) Rick Castle (of CASTLE): smart, witty, charming, totally willing to
make a fool of himself, incredibly deductive and a great father.
Watching CASTLE brightens up any day!

2) Patty Hewes (DAMAGES): evil personified. You think you understand her
and then… BAM… you realize she just did something you can’t imagine
she would do (either good or bad).

3) Rachel Berry (GLEE): Completely unabashed about who she is and what
she loves. She reminds me a lot of myself in middle school before I
realized that it wasn’t cool to be that way I shut myself in. I honestly
catch myself saying aloud, “I LOVE HER!” during every episode at least
2-3 times!

How many blogs are you subscribed to?

My Google Reader currently has 326 subscriptions — not sure if
that’s good or bad?

How tall are you? Did you wish that you were shorter
when you were growing up?

I’m 6’1.

I’m not going to lie and say that being tall was any sort of fun as a
teenager. I hit 5’11 by age 12, and even at the end of middle school
there were very few guys in my class that were taller than me. Height is
a very defining feature and it took a long time to just be ok with it
– thank you again mom and dad for my all-girls high school education! (I
can guarantee you I would have crumbled in any other setting.)

I’m not sure I ever wanted to be shorter though — just more “normal” –
if that makes sense? I adore seeing over crowds and being tall, but I
hate limiting my shopping to online stores, getting strange looks if I
wear heels, and people STILL asking me if I played b-ball/volleyball
growing up.

If you were to write a book, what would it be about?

I’d write a biography, because I love getting enriched in a
subject! I’d pick either Captain Cook, Darwin or Martha Stewart. Cook
and Darwin — adventurers who visited amazing locales (which I could
also visit?) and Martha because I could shadow her and see how in the
heck she really does everything that she does.

If I had to write it on something I knew about… I’d choose to write on
my inner-city teaching experience and the contrasts between my
positions at a failing school and a successful charter school.

A totally self-serving question because I need advice
and you are both tall and stylish: Where do you shop for clothes that
fit?

Two years ago, I vowed that I’d buy the majority of my clothes in
tall sizes… which often means online shopping at certain stores:
Banana Republic, Gap and J Crew. And while it gets depressing some
times, I realize how much better my wardrobe is because of it! If you’ve
ever washed a shirt to have it shrink 3 inches and be unwearable, you
totally understand my plight!

It doesn’t mean I stay away from non-tall styles though, and often find
luck at Club Monaco and French Connection. I also buy lots of
independent brands through sample sales (online mainly now) that I know
are made for a taller fit model. Favorite dress maker: Catherine
Malandrino hand down!

I’m not going to lie though – shopping can be very depressing. But if
you know you can’t buy it unless it fits, you’ll save yourself some
money! Just ask Mr. M about the sad J Crew yellow peacoat episode…
silly arm length!!!

I’m desperate to live in Cali someday – what’s your
favorite thing about living there?

Oh goodness… California just has everything. We have the beach,
the best snow/mtns for skiing, the fruit and veggies are as fresh as you
can get, and just about everything else you can think of.

But I do have to say, from a totally practical point of view, that no
one should move here unless you have to…. I’m a die-hard California
girl but it costs a heck of lot to live here and our state govt is going
down the drain.

But if you hit a personal lottery of some sort, do it and you won’t be
sad. You can even not live on the coast and it’s awesome…

My husband is sad you didn’t consider “Billie Jean”
for your child’s name. Now that baby M is born, can you let us know what
other names you were seriously considering (both boy/girl)?

I’ll share the names because I’m sure it’ll be awhile before we get
to use them!

The other 3 names on the table:

Girl – Charlotte

Boy – Kieran James or Jonathan

Is there a food item that you’re ashamed or
embarrassed that you love? What is it and what makes it so
embarrassing/shameful?

KFC Famous Bowls.

I don’t know why it’s shameful… but there is something ghetto-fabulous
about chicken, corn, mashed potatoes and gravy with cheese on top.
Everytime I crave it or indulge in one, I feel so guilty… like I’ve
committed a food crime of some sort!

What’s the most surprising thing about being a mom so
far?

How quickly the days fly by! My little girl is 2 weeks old
tomorrow… and the days just keep flying into one another! I completely
understand now why people go crazy taking photos everyday and tell you
to savor every moment!

(Most of this has to do with days running into nights and then running
into days again)

What’s a bad habit of yours that you’re looking to
kick?

sending thank you notes too late… I need to send them more
immediately than I do! I’m trying to change that right now with the baby
– but then I had to make them (of course) and the envelopes won’t
arrive until today… so I’m already breaking this new resolution.

If you could have the ability to know what everyone
thought about you, the good and the bad, would you want to know or would
you choose ignorance?

Complete and total ignorance! Maybe knowing would alleviate some of
my neurotic tendencies, but I’m not sure it would not help me overall
in life.

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Here’s to the man to finds a way to make me laugh each and every day, humors me with as many hugs as I need, and does anything he can to make me happy “just because.” I can’t wait for the next set of adventures to begin with our trusty new sidekick, Baby M, as I know they’ll be more than I ever expected. I love you with all my heart and can’t put into words what these 3 years (and the 858 days before that) mean to me.
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I’ve hesitated to write this post, as I trudge and meander around the interwebs day in and day out. But it’s a feeling I have, and I’m hoping that someone out there might relate to it. It’s loneliness…. the loneliness of being a working mom in the blogger/social media world. You may think I mean that I’m hopelessly missing Baby M when I see all of the photos/videos/blogs/mentions of kids all day long, but it’s not really that. Don’t get me wrong, I miss my snugglebug every day, but it’s not a regretful emotion that’s coming up. It’s an exclusivity one.
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The majority of my mommy friends on the web and real life are at home with their kids. They’re either full-time SAHM’s, Canadian 1-year SAHM’s, or just extended maternity leave working moms who haven’t made it back to the job yet. And the mommy blog world, where I stick around on the outskirts, is pretty much all SAHMs all the time. And none of this is a bad thing – I like all of those people that I associate with and love reading about their lives and interacting with them. I’m just not a member of the club and don’t relate to their worlds like their brethren, and I feel like I’m the loner in the other strange land. Like being 5’10 at the age of 12 and wondering why no one else is at eye level? (yeah… maybe this is just a complex I deal with time and time again… if so… forgive me)
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I don’t know what’s it’s like to struggle day in and day out with maintaining the perfect nap/sleeping schedule. I don’t get to take a photo of her in a pristine outfit daily just because. Daily errands and shopping trips aren’t massive undertakings. And my hair gets washed daily and I rarely get to spend a day in yoga clothes by necessity only. These things are not my life… but it’s a huge part of so many friend’s lives… but my ability to relate fades with every day beyond maternity leave. Sure, I had 6 weeks where I was in the exact same boat as everyone else, but then we moved on and away to another phase. And in my new place, the bloggers/social media mavens aren’t as active nor numerous which creates this lonely boat that I’m in.
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Now I’ve got co-workers to chat to who are working moms, and then there are the awesome moms at daycare that I see weekly around 5:30pm. I can pick out my friends on facebook who are in my same boat, and my no means am I the sole survivor of this by any means. It’s just, well, I thought there’d be a little more of a world I could get muddy with in the sand pit. And I’ve just discovered it’s a bit more elusive than I thought. I really miss being able to comment on friend’s blogs, or facebook status updates, or reply to tweets because… well… every SAHM mom can answer that question but I can’t. And sadly, this train of thought makes me think that I’m “seen” as less of a mom than these ever present and super visible moms (not that I am less of a mom – cause I am a mom 24/7 no matter what anyone says). What that means to the universe, I don’t know. This is a train of thought blog… and that’s where it took me.
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Who knows. Maybe I’m out of the mom loop for some other reason. If that’s the case, then comments in the vein of, “Kim – you’re smoking some crazy baby powder” will help to rectify my observations in the future. I just know that my online mom world is a bit distant for some reason, and I wish it wasn’t so.
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It was 4:30pm on the day I moved into Sproul Hall at UCLA when I got the call: “There’s a scrimmage planned in Pauley, wanna go?” I walked down the hill towards Pauley Pavillion, and found the unlocked door at Gate 15. I walked in and met my friend at the court. We were the lone spectators as the scrimmage began. Baron Davis, Earl Watson, Matt Barnes, Dan Gadzuric, Ray Young, and the rest of the 98-99 Bruin squad were playing on the court. Over on the side… Kobe Bryant was shooting free throws and hoping for an invite from the “insider” crew to play. And amid all of that insanity… I walked over to John Wooden’s bench seat… and sat down… and just looked up towards the rafters.
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I honestly didn’t even notice what was going on for a good 15 minutes with the guys on the court. I just kept looking around in awe that I was where I was… and almost all of that magic came from just one person who wasn’t even there. But his spirit definitely was.
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For me, he was always so much more than just a simple man… but he was a living legend. My dad used to recount the stories of John Wooden’s teams with awe as he’d teach me the importance of good strong pass and a good hook shot growing up. His quotes were the first ones I ran through when searching for my perfect senior yearbook quotes. Seeing him on TV every other Thursday and Saturday at games was like having a friendly celebrity sighting. Every book of his that I read was so pure and true that it was like reading the gospel of life. So when I finally met him, you have to understand that I grinned like a maniac, my heart was full of joy, and I couldn’t believe that this man was really talking directly to me and only me.
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I was lucky enough to have more than a few opportunities to speak with him while at UCLA and beyond. But while my conversations were special, what was better was hearing friends and colleagues talk about their experiences with Coach. Hearing about the dinner that a friend had at his condo, or the speech he gave to the water polo team, or the chance encounter that someone had with him in the valley or a call he made in regards to a new basketball recruit. He really was a member of our family at UCLA, and we all treated him with undying love and respect. He was there whenever anyone needed him… and he was welcomed everywhere with open arms. We got worried when we didn’t see him at a basketball game and cheered and gave him a standing ovation whenever he came.
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The picture above is from a book signing event in 1999. I was working the event for the AD and got to hear him speak to every guest that passed through asking for his signature. I waited until the end to have my two books signed. One was for me… and the other was for my grandfather. I told him that even though my grandpa was the biggest Cal fan alive… he’d always tell me that he’d never seen a better coach than Wooden. He laughed and told me to thank my grandpa for giving him a fair chance. Years later, I told him about how I was using his Pyramid of Success in my middle school classroom with great success. He told me to never give up on my kids and that teachers were the most important people on the planet.
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My favorite memory, however, was an occasion when he was speaking about Nell. Someone mentioned her name, and his face just changed and you saw this spirit pass over his eyes. He smiled and simply said, “There is nothing in life that compares to love.” You could see the ache in his heart, but his eyes just smiled. That was more magical than any mythic basketball championship banner I’ve ever seen.
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He meant so much to so many, both as a coach and a person. It will be so hard for so many of us to know what life as a Bruin would be without him around. But we’re all better people to have had him in our lives: as an author, a mentor, a coach, a visionary, a teacher, a legend, and a man. Thanks, Coach. Without you, I may never have yearned to have been a Bruin so so badly. Thank you for your wisdom along so many paths… and thank you for sharing it with everyone. We’ll miss you so…

Today is national Fibromyalgia (pronounced fy-bro-my-AL-ja) awareness day. When I was diagnosed 13 years ago, no one really knew what in the heck it was. In fact, my rheumatologist at Stanford had to write down the name of THE single book on the subject to order from Amazon.com [this is the 2nd edition of the book] and my doctor at home had no idea what it was. And in all honesty, if the lady wasn’t a nationally renowned doctor, I would have thought she was making up a diagnosis for the crazy symptoms I was experiencing on the spot. But then I started to meet other “kids” who were in the same pediatric pain clinics that I was attending at Stanford and UCLA with the same diagnosis… and then classmates of mine in college started putting that label on themselves as well. Soon enough, my world was filled with moms and sisters and aunts and grandmothers and friends who all suffered from the same thing I did. And suddenly, the world didn’t feel so lonely when I was dealing with a “bad day.”
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You may know someone with FMS quite intimately or from afar. Or perhaps you only see those silly Lyrica commericals on TV or in magazines. Either way, you can easily see that this is a problem that really does affect 3-5% of the world population. Technically, Fibromyalgia syndrome affects the muscles and soft tissue. Symptoms include chronic, widespread pain, all-over-the-body tenderness, soreness and flu-like aches, fatigue, problems sleeping, headaches, morning stiffness, memory and concentration difficulties and difficulty performing daily functions. Fibromyalgia pain and other symptoms can be sometimes be relieved or eased through medications, lifestyle changes, stress management, and other fibromyalgia treatment. But since people with FM tend to look healthy and conventional tests are typically normal, a physician knowledgeable about the illness is necessary to make a diagnosis. In fact, many people dispute it as a specific disorder and claim that the diagnosis is too broad or too inclusive… but that really shouldn’t negate the fact that so many people are suffering great pain no matter what causes it. Many tests have been conducted to get to a root cause of the disorder, but so far nothing has been conclusive. They are thinking that the central nervous system is the primary culprit, as studies have shown that fibromyalgia patients experience pain in response to stimuli that would not
ordinarily be painful in healthy people.
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My only hope for this year’s awareness day is that EVERYONE learns to help alleviate pain from their body in some way. I was so lucky to learn great pain management skills through biofeedback, meditation and yoga, and I’m a huge proponent of these methods as a coping mechanism for so many issues. However, many times I need to fall back on medical treatment, like acupuncture, to really treat the issue at its source. The pain really never “goes away” completely, but at least it goes back to a level where I can function like a semi-normal human being. I’ve learned not to be a victim to the pain, and try my best to keep it all hidden from both my psyche and the world. I really hope that others can find ways to cope with this and other issues outside of heavy doses of medication, if at all possible. That’s my simple wish. Then again, if someone can create a pill with no side effects that makes me feel like I did before November of 1997… I’d take that too.
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If you want to know more about fibromyalgia, there are plenty of websites out there to help you out. My first stop would be FMAware.org, though, as they are one of the oldest and most reliable sources of information out there.
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Soon after Baby M arrived, our household began to discover who could deal with moving from an unconscious state to a conscious one at certain hours of the day. I’ve never been a morning person. In fact, that clocky alarm clock was most certainly invented for me… because hitting the snooze button is
an art that I’ve come to perfect over the years. And having a baby hasn’t changed that at all for me. What it did help me realize though, is that I’m fully capable of being the early early morning riser.
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For some reason, I’ve found that I’m perfectly capable of waking up in the dead of night/early morning, stumbling out of bed and into the
nursery, changing a diaper and feeding a baby. I hear the early squeaks… and I wake up. Now, if this happens close to 5am/6am…. forget it. I’m dead to the world. This is where Mr. M comes in as being the perfect mate to my crabby morning persona. He is a really great morning person. He can wake up super early to go to work, catch a flight, etc. And he can wake up easily in the morning when the little “meh! meh!” sounds escape from the baby monitor at dawn while I lay in
bed oblivious to it all. But if he has to do overnight duty… watch out for Mr. Crabbypants.
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So right now, with Baby M waking up once (if at all) around 2-3:30 am, and then again at 5-6am, we have found a way to perfectly split our
responsibilities to suit our preferences. Now if she decides to start getting up at 1am and 4am, however, we’re pretty much sunk.

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