So… I asked Mr. M to list 6 quirks… and here’s the unedited essay he prepared. Have fun!
Six quirks about my better half…
1. The smallest anthill can turn into Mount Everest. For example, I can be sitting there watching the latest reality TV show that Kim has hooked me onto, and suddenly “Oh my God!!!!”. Now before I go on, let me just say that my wife has her feet firmly planted on my panic button (imagine someone jamming the brakes with both feet). Let me also say that because of her questionable luck, nothing is out of the realm of possibility with her…I often imagine that someday her arm will just fall off when she
tries to pick up a pebble. At any rate, more often than not…there is often a deafening silence following her “Holy #$%@” or “Oh my god” exclamation. This is where the little kim in my mind is taking a sledgehammer to my panic button. But I can’t tell you how many times after I rush over to her or ask 20 times to tell me what’s wrong, it turns into something like “There’s a 20% off sale pillow shams at Restoration Hardware.” If you can imagine the sensation of sitting in the passenger seat of a Ferrari when someone slams on the gas…gets up to 80 mph…and then tries to see how quickly they can stop, that’s what it feels like. Quirk Number 1.
2. Worst morning person ever. In the past, Kim and I have had full conversations before I go to work (I leave much earlier than she does)…and yet, she only remembers about 10% of those conversations. After a few months, I realized that the person I was actually talking to was not my wife…let’s call her “Good Kim” for now…but this early morning person was in fact “Evil Kim”. And Evil Kim is mean, folks. Suffice it to say that there have been many flailing limbs during some of those mornings. Most recently, I was the recipient of a swift shot to the face that resulted in a bloody nose. Quirk Number 2
3. Obsession with all things Disney. Yes, she was a character at Disneyland…and yes, the multiple days that we spent at Disneyland were chock full of fun things…but holy crap, this girl knows more about Disney than anyone I know. We have some family friends that I used to think were the biggest Disney fans ever. They’re in the vacation club, are friends with the Disney tattoo guy (if you don’t know who he is, then you just don’t know Disney like I know Disney at this point, albeit somewhat unwillingly), and they replicate Disneyland every year in their house…no seriously, folks…it takes up the entire dining room. It’s kickass but unexpected when you walk into their house. But anyway, I digress. These family friends have, in the past, done their best to try and stump my wife. And to my knowledge, it hasn’t ever worked. She can tell you anything about any disney movie ever made…she can tell you where all the secret entrances are in Disneyland…she can do the character dances (the goofy one is actually pretty entertaining)…and she has perfected all 47 faces/expressions of Tinkerbell. Quirk Number 3.
4. Yellow car. Not just a yellow car…but a yellow car with tinker bell stickers, tinker bell floormats, and a personalized license plate. When Kim and I first started dating, she called me one day while I was at work. She was stuck in traffic on Wilshire Blvd and was bored. When she realized that she was about to pass my office at 0.5 mph, she called. Her lack of speed also gave me a chance to grab a few coworkers, pull them to the nearest window…and say, “you see that bright yellow car down there with all the stickers? Yeah, I just started dating that girl. What do you think? Too much?” Well, long story short, the car has survived and so have we, but it still falls under Quirk Number 4.
5. Compendium of random knowledge. Kim likes to listen to NPR and keep up on world events. However, she also has a knowledge far beyond what most people would consider…errrr, normal. She can tell you, for example, when and where John Denver died, while in the same sentence explain why Michael Kors new clothing line exhibits some of the same style as Ben Sherman from 4 years ago (I don’t know if that’s actually true…but it’s representative of the things she says). Quirk Number 5